Children and Happiness: What is the Link?

By: MARRI Intern

What does an ideal family look like? Two parents, one daughter, and one son? Two cohabitating adults and no children? Christians place high value on family and children, which often leads to sizably larger households, benefitting all of society. As one MARRI publication indicates, larger families (of 3 or more children) contribute more to the economy than families with two or fewer children. Unfortunately, few couples of any religious or secular traditions choose to have more than two kids, citing economic woes or other factors. But because children make parents happy, shouldn’t more couples opt to expand their families anyway? Not necessarily. 

If a couple based their child-bearing decisions merely on what makes them personally happy, what would they choose? According to Gross National Happiness by Arthur Brooks, they might reasonably choose not to raise any children. From Brooks’ research, it may be claimed that offspring do not in fact to make parents happy. If you’re skeptical, just read the angry comments from two parents who, by the gamble of in vitro fertilization, are pregnant with twins and are less than thrilled about it. Though the backlash from other readers might suggest these parents are an anomaly, their anger towards their twins seems to verify Brooks’ research. His findings claim that “marital happiness takes a nosedive as couples move from childlessness to having their first baby; it continues southward until about the time the oldest child starts school” (Brooks 64).

The more surprising finding, however, is that for parents with more than four children, reported happiness levels climb back up with each subsequent child. Following this trend, parents with eight children report the same level of happiness as couples with only one child. Brooks’ assessment reflects MARRI’s, in that these parents create a different type of family based on their beliefs. And while very few couples opt for more than two children at all, those with four or more kids tend to be affiliated with a religion that highly values children and family life (such as Catholics, Evangelicals, or Mormons).

Lest he leave couples determined to never bear children, Brooks makes an important qualification about the happiness factor: For both Brooks (and MARRI), it is clear that though children may appear to make parents less happy in the moment, these longsuffering mothers and fathers serve a crucial role in developing future citizens. Children give parents meaning, a feeling more akin to the “moral quality of life” than to elation (Brooks 69). And while the joys of parenting feel more like misery than euphoria at times, the purpose-filled experience of parenthood leaves mothers and fathers satisfied with their childrearing work, a feeling far more enduring that luxury or leisure.

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…divorce?

By: MARRI intern

Growing up, my dad would say that no matter what he would always love my mom. At the altar, many people will say the same thing. Unfortunately, America’s divorce rate is a sign that commitment through thick and thin is increasingly rare.

Most people would agree that in some situations, like infidelity, it is acceptable to seek a divorce. Simply being tired of being with the other person or no longer “feeling” in love, however, are not legitimate reasons. People like to believe that every problem in life has a quick fix. If a pipe is leaking, use duct tape. Or if a vase breaks, grab the super glue. But marriage is neither a pipe nor a vase, as divorce is certainly not duct tape or super glue. Notice that even the easy fix solutions mentioned above were about holding things together, not pulling them apart permanently.

About 40-50% of marriages will end in divorce. This does not reflect a moral understanding of marriage as it was intended to be. In the Bible, the Church is called the bride of Christ. Certainly Christ is hurt by His bride’s failure to keep his commandments, but His love is unwavering. Shouldn’t our marriages imitate that?

Just like any other couple, my parents had their arguments. I can remember the steam coming out of their ears when they were upset at each other, but arguments would always end with the same “I love you.” They are now approaching their 33^rd wedding anniversary, and I truly believe that their commitment to each other even in the hard times got them there.

Til’ death do us part isn’t just an idea; it’s a choice. Make your choice before you stand up in front of the church or forever hold your peace.

Does Absence Really Make the Heart Grow Fonder?

By MARRI Intern

Olivia Walton from The Waltons and June Cleaver from Leave It to Beaver are just two idealistic television mothers who shaped the idea of what moms were supposed to be. Throughout the years, we have seen drastic changes in the role that women are expected to have in society. Women can be torn between societal expectations and what they personally desire. This is often the case when they are faced with the choice (or the need) to work outside the home, especially if they have young children.

The ratio of stay-at-home moms to mothers who are work full-time outside the home has fluctuated greatly over the years. An article from the UK Daily Mail that was published this past spring highlighted the great value contributed by stay-at-home moms. Not only does their staying home benefit the child or children involved, but it benefits society as a whole, because strong families are the foundation of a strong society.

The attachment theory developed by the psychologist John Bowlby (1907-1990) states that a child needs to be in a loving, stable environment with a consistent primary caregiver in order to develop in a healthy manner. The above noted Daily Mail article noted that the first three years of a child’s life are the most critical years of development and that the child’s greatest need is to feel loved and secure. How the child is treated and the relationships which are established within the first three years are good predictors of the child’s future. However, if this is true and the majority of mothers are in fact working full-time, how will this affect our society?

According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2012 about 70.5 percent of women who had children 18 years old and younger were in the workforce. When mothers spend the majority of their time working outside of the home, their children may not be able to establish a secure attachment to them, especially when they are younger. This attachment is critically important for the child’s development and foundational to all of their future relationships. Depression and behavioral issues are common childhood outcomes linked back to the lack of a secure attachment with their mother (or primary caregiver), the Daily Mail post above states. Sadly, this often means that the child’s needs were not met emotionally or, perhaps at times, physically.

Typically, attachment theory has been associated with the issue of adoption, particularly because it can be difficult to establish a secure attachment if the child is adopted at an older age.  However, whether the child concerned is adopted or one whose primary caregiver is in the workforce, it is of vital importance to establish this deep connection. Additional information on adoption and attachment theory can be found within this MARRI publication on the benefits of adoption.

Walk a Mile in Her Shoes

By: MARRI Intern

Frank Baird has taken literally the saying not to judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.  Originally working at the Valley Trauma Center as a Rape Crisis Advocate, Baird also took on a role as a Marriage and Family Therapist Trainee,  progressing to become a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.  Baird began to see and understand that violent crimes against women, such as rape, do not just affect the individual.   The serious nature of the crimes also affects the entire community: their family, friends, and significant others.  

Baird chose to organize the event “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” where men don a pair of red heels and literally walk a mile.  The event is used to increase awareness of sexual assault and domestic violence, creating a safe environment for preventative education and informing the community about services available for recovery.  

Most people aren’t aware that two thirds of violence against women is committed by someone known to the victim, and that ninety seven percent of the perpetrators will never spend a day in jail because fifty four percent of cases are not reported to police.  

In a working paper, MARRI is exploring the correlation between the type of relationship mothers are engaged in is correlated to intimate partner violence.  Results have shown that married mothers have a lower risk of being abused by the father of the child than cohabitating mothers, dating mothers, or mothers not in a relationship with the father[1].  The research even demonstrates that regardless of whether they are pregnant or not women are subject to the same likelihood of domestic abuse[2].  Furthermore, children who grow up in a home affected by parental aggression are subject to a higher incidence of behavior problems, future perpetration of abuse themselves and generally poorer outcomes than children who do not witness conflict between their parents[3].  MARRI research (slides 2-6) indicates that children who grow up in a two parent family are 33% less likely to experience abuse than a child whose biological mother is in a cohabitating relationship.   

Overall, the increased awareness among communities via the “Walk a Mile in Her Shoes” is a tremendous step.  Not only is it educating the public on aspects of a culture they are otherwise unlikely to experience, it also educates women about the resources in their community if they are in an abusive situation, or feel threatened and need assistance. 

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[1] Rachel T. Kimbro, “Together Forever? Romantic Relationship Characteristics and Prenatal Health Behaviors” Journal of Marriage and Family 70, no. 3 (2008): 750.

[2] Menachem Fisher, Dalit Yassour-Borochowitz, Efrat Neter, “Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy: Results from a Phone Survey in Northern Israel,” Domestic Abuse in Pregnancy 5 (2003): 35.

[3] Cheryl Buehler, Christine Anthony, Ambika Krishnakumar, Gaye Stone, Jean Gerard, and Sharon Pemberton, Interparental conflict and youth problem behaviors: A meta-analysis,” Journal of Child and Family Studies 6 (1997): 233-247;

An Ode to Grandparents

By Danielle Lee, MARRI Intern

If working with MARRI Research teaches you one thing, it’s that intact married families (pick your state and find out how the belonging index affects social policy outcomes where you live) are the way to go.  Families led by married parents and that worship together regularly produce children who have better quality relationships, who perform better in school, and who claim to be happier than those raised in other circumstances.

But with studies focused on relationships within the nuclear family, it’s sometimes easy to lose sight of the the generations of parents that have come before.  This isn’t a gap in the research; it’s a logical inference that is many times forgotten or left un-pursued.  Grandparents are simply the expansion pack of the intact family.

Oh, the stories my grandparents would tell (and that I tell now)!  Of how they got through Soviet checkpoints at the North Korean border by getting all the young ones to cry loudly, or of how one of our ancestors was a political exile centuries back.  Mom and Dad have taught me how to function as a responsible citizen and bring a unique contribution to my community, whereas Grandma and Grandpa have taught me how I belong in the grander scheme of history.

So, why does this matter?  Bruce Feiler of the New York Times recently exposited the correlation between a child’s knowledge of family narrative and history and his or her ability to cope with physical, emotional, and mental traumas.  Children with knowledgeable awareness of their family narrative coped better with stresses, including the devastation of 9/11.

It’s so much more than a coping mechanism, though.  The great 20^th century intellectuals pursued originality so aggressively that some were ready to divorce words from their accepted meanings (via written entreaties, ironically).  They believed that a rejection of and detachment from all they knew would give them untainted space for true originality. Yet one might posit that those intellectuals (particularly, the French) got it all wrong.  True originality (if it exists) and cultural progress stems from familiarity with history—you have to know where you came from to know where you’re going.

Learning about my great-grandfather’s commitment to Korean independence from Japanese occupation offers dimension and depth to my own life ambitions. It brings perspective as to why I’m inexplicably interested and drawn to public policy issues even when my siblings are not.  Meanwhile, goals that seem untenable, if not absurd, are no longer so implausible when you learn that the childhood home of your grandmother (the one who washes the dishes in the dishwasher because they aren’t clean enough) housed the Korean government at one point.

The generations that have come before are not participants in a distant past that have nothing to do with us.  In fact, they have everything to do with our identity and our trajectory.  In a culture that fixates on youth through babies on Facebook (see “Facebook, Privacy, and the Commoditization of Children” below) or Botox, we can’t keep trying to stop time from passing—or we really won’t get anywhere.  The past is our launching pad.  It grounds us in morality and discipline but also pushes us to do greater things than accomplished before.

Facebook, Privacy, and the Commoditization of Children

By MARRI Intern

Recently on Slate, author Amy Webb recounted the story of a friend who frequently posts pictures of her young daughter on Facebook. In her opinion, these digital memories are irreversibly “preventing [the daughter] from any hope of future anonymity.” In reaction to this modern way of public life, before Webb’s daughter was even born she and her husband created social media profiles and a Gmail account for their child. When she is old enough their daughter will have access to an online presence, if she so chooses. Now that their daughter has been born, they diligently monitor social media websites to ensure that none of their friends or relatives posts pictures or personal information about their child.

While Webb’s prerogative as a parent is not in question, she does raise an interesting (and rather concerning) question: what are parents doing to children’s futures by putting them in the public spotlight before they are conscious of the decision? In the past, baby pictures were kept at home in an album; today they are broadcast on the internet. Before modern technology, a person had to know the parents to be able to see a child’s pictures; now, depending on your internet privacy know-how, anyone can see them, including corporate face recognition software. There are babies and children on social media news feeds that users have never met and likely never will because they are the step-nephew-in-law of their college roommate’s best friend (or something like that). While there are cynical applications to remove babies from their news feeds, this is not the point. The point is that society has changed. Americans are increasingly willing to share private details of their lives in a public forum, sometimes with unfortunate negative consequences.

There are countless stories of parents finding pictures of their children being used for advertising, for fake online accounts or even for child pornography. Furthermore, many children born into this generation will have had an online presence since before they were born (think sonogram pictures). American parents have shifted from protecting their children’s privacy to publicly displaying their children. Sons and daughters have arguably become yet another possession that one may flaunt before neighbors. How many “likes” will I get if I post a picture of my child doing x? Look at my baby’s adorable new clothes! And on it goes. Even celebrities effectively place a dollar value on their children by selling the rights to their baby’s first pictures. Parents’ love for and adoration of their children is certainly not in question here, but are these parents devaluing their child by sharing him or her with the world?

Perhaps these parents could instead spend their efforts on become more actively involved in their children’s lives and education to ensure the best chance for their success. Click here for more information from MARRI on what involvement in your child’s life at a young age can mean for his or her development.

Electric Zoo, Family Structure, and Substance Abuse

By MARRI Intern

A week and half before their Labor Day music festival, Electric Zoo posted a notice on their blog encouraging their participant “party animals” to “keep the positive party vibes flowing by looking out for each other.” The post advised against illegal drug use but also outlined common signs of drug abuse and included a map of where to find on-site medical facilities. While many attendees may have followed this recommendation and enjoyed their weekend, a few attendees did not. Electric Zoo was forced to cancel the third and final day of the event due to two tragic overdoses and a number of hospitalized attendees on the first two days.

Fueling the public’s negative reaction to the Labor Day fatalities is the professional history of the Electric Zoo’s founder. One of the founder's partner clubs in Chelsea, Twilo, was shut down in 2001 following two fatal MDMA overdoses. The fact that both deaths at this year’s Electric Zoo were also reported as MDMA overdoses has certainly made this tragedy a bitter pill to swallow. But where do we draw the line? Can we put all the responsibility on the clubs which organized and repeatedly turned a blind eye to illegal substance abuse? Surely, we cannot ignore the freedom of choice exercised by club and party attendees to partake in the use of illegal substances.

Who is to blame? Society, the clubs, the victims, their parents? The breakdown of the intact married family has many far-reaching effects, including an increased propensity to engage in wrong and damaging behavior, such as illegal drug use. Recent trends indicate that most twelfth graders believe that the availability of, and access to drugs has become easier and easier. And while we all know that drug abusers can come from every background, MARRI Research indicates that children of divorce have a significantly increased risk of crime, as well as drug use. Additionally, research has shown that the more youth who worship weekly exhibit the least hard drug use.

So perhaps at the end of the day, we are left only with the tasks of mourning the precious lives lost and of determinedly perpetuating a culture of intact families who worship weekly, engender healthy values, and raise children who choose not to turn to substance abuse.